7 Questions With Maura Graber, Editor of the Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia

 

Are you a fan, like me, of "The Gilded Age" TV series and amazed by the elaborate societal rules of the day? Today's subject is an etiquette consult for the show.

Maura J. Graber began her Southern California image enhancement business in 1984. By 1988

she had launched a clothing line sold throughout the U.S.. Graber ventured into the field of etiquette in 1990, and has since taught thousands of students from all walks of life. Schoolchildren, celebrities, CEOs, homeless youths & teens in 'at-risk' groups, have all benefitted from her courses in social graces and the vital skills needed to help them navigate the intricate, and sometimes baffling, social pathways they'll encounter throughout their lives.

Her popular books, seminars on etiquette, antique cutlery, dining history and etiquette history, have made Graber a sought-after authority and speaker. A frequent guest on radio and television news programs since the 1990’s, Graber was a featured regularly on Southern California’s KVCR-PBS for 14 years, where she also produced news segments and gave restaurant reviews. Maura has been covered in hundreds of publications, including The Los Angeles Times, Victoria Magazine, Country

Living, Korea Times, Parenting Magazine and “Historie.”

As matriarch of the Graber Olive House and C.C. Graber Olive Co., she is involved in the historic family olive business, but continues to consult, teach etiquette and write. Most recently she’s worked as a historical etiquette and dining consultant for Julian Fellowes on his hit HBO period drama, The Gilded Age and is the site editor and creator of the online site, Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia. Her popular books on antiques, history and dining etiquette are available on Amazon. Her newest book will be available in January 2024. (Blog Link https://etiquipedia.blogspot.com/ )

1. How and when did you get hooked on history? 

I think I always have been hooked on history, even when I was young, though I wasn’t aware of the fact until I was in college. One professor in particular used to stress that he didn’t consider himself a teacher as much as he did a historian. I feel myself thinking more and more that way about myself as I get older.

2. What role does history play or has it played in your personal life? 

Some of my fondest memories of conversations I’ve had throughout my life, are some I had with those born in the latter part of the 19th century and early 20th century. I was always asking much older relatives and their friends about what their lives were like when they were younger. Those stories have stuck with me. I know I used those stories when raising my kids and still use them in my work teaching etiquette. Those stories are really something to learn from, even if many just illustrate how the times and technology may change, but human behavior remains pretty much the same, regardless of the era one lives in.

3. How does history play a part of your professional life/career? 

I started collecting odd, unusual utensils in 1990, when I first opened the RSVP Institute of Etiquette. I started teaching etiquette to children and teens. I found that odd old utensils kept my students interested in setting a table properly and how to eat and serve foods, etc… I soon was teaching adults, putting on 9 course gilded age etiquette dinner seminars in our historic home, and the adults loved my odd utensils, too. Before I knew it, I was in “Victoria” and “Country Living” magazines, the Los Angeles Times and several other publications discussing my antiques. I was asked to lecture for various groups like the DAR and at museums, etc… and still do talks, going into history of all sorts. It’s much more than the dining utensils. 

Now, in my 34th year teaching etiquette, I have written 3 books on the subject of dining history and utensils created and the etiquette used, along with discussing other antiques. People enjoy learning about the history more than I realized. In the past dozen years, along with teaching etiquette classes, my forks and Etiquipedia were featured in an article on the history of the fork in Europe in the European magazine “Historie”, I have given numerous talks on the errors made in period dramas and was a most recently a guest on two Shakespearean history podcast episodes. Since the late-2020, I have been consulting for the HBO series, “The Gilded Age,” by Julian Fellowes. I’m currently finishing up writing my 4th book and brushing up on 19th century aristocratic  etiquette for consulting on a proposed period drama series set in Umbria Italy.

4. Why is studying/knowing history important?

We all can learn so much from the past that would help us avoid making similar mistakes in the future. People tearing down  or removing statues of historical figures, like Teddy Roosevelt for example, are robbing future generations of developing a natural curiosity in who someone was and why he or she was an important figure. You can’t change the past by removing evidence of what happened. You’re simply keeping future generations from that knowledge.

5. What is your favorite period or aspect of history to learn about and why? 

I was always fascinated by the Victorian era. It is such a dichotomy, what with the image that the Victorian era can conjure up of a genteel, and well-mannered age, and the reality of Queen Victoria’s own manners being so horrific. She had some of the worst table manners and social manners in Great Britain at the time! Just recently I have really been studying more on the Georgian and Regency periods, as they were pivotal with regard to the fork becoming the dominant table utensil it is today. 

6. What is Etiquipedia and how did it come to be? 

The Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia is a free, online resource with thousands of articles on etiquette and etiquette history. I have no ads or pop-ups. One can look up just about anything regarding manners, etiquette, decorum and diplomacy. The impetus for the site was a conversation I had with an instructor trainee of mine at the end of 2011. I was always encouraging her to research anything she read about etiquette to make certain she wasn’t getting incorrect information. There is a lot of incorrect etiquette online. She was lamenting the fact that there was no place to go online that had everything in one spot. I got the idea to do it then. I came up with a name and set up the blogspot. In the beginning, there were so few posts and I encouraged her to contribute some articles on subjects I had her research. Sadly, she died very suddenly in 2015, so I pushed myself harder to make it a great site. Now, I try to publish one new post each day.

 7. What do you hope your readers and followers take from your work?

I hope my readers benefit in some way from what I post, other than just getting better grades on tests or for classes. About 4 years into creating the site I discovered that links to more than a few articles from my site are on school websites, all around the world. One university in Japan asked if they could reprint a dining history article in their course books. I get numerous questions emailed to me regarding research for class assignments and I’m always happy to help. I also receive DM’s on Instagram. I’ll wake up early in the morning to a DM from a follower out antique shopping or at a flea market in Italy or France, Argentina, etc… complete with photos, asking me what the item was used for and what the etiquette was for it and why. The fact that these people, young and old, around the world are reaching out and asking me about the history of something is truly extraordinary and so unexpected. It’s very flattering, but in the grand scheme of things, I’m just one of millions out there who love sharing history with others.